myths about tonsillectomies

today is day 8 of my stuck-in-bedness and i am no longer anywhere near the land of the sane. tired of being stuck in bed for days at a time with strep, i thought enough is enough, it's time for a tonsillectomy, and my doctor agreed. if you read what this article says about taking your tonsils out, it sounds like a relatively easy process. WRONG!

first off, the operating room is a scary place. you have to wear one of those dumb gowns with the open back and a funny hat on your head and you have to just lay there while a million different people come talk to you and explain over and over what they're gonna do to you... and yet somehow, they never really tell you what is really gonna happen. if you're a woman between the ages of 15 and 50, you have to have a pregnancy test, so after not eating or drinking since the night before, you have pee in a cup and then lay there and wait and wait and wait because for some reason, it's taking those jerkos in the lab 45 minutes to do a 3 minute test and they can't give you drugs to calm you down and prepare you for surgery until they know for sure there's no baby in your womb. and so you lay there and lay there, and then the find out you're not pregnant (duh) and so they wheel you into the operating room, forgoing the calming drugs since you'll be under anesthesia in a second anyway.

but on your way into the operating room, you're fully aware of what's going on, of the way your anesthesiologist's voice sounds all super tense and stressed out, and you can't help but notice that after they almost knock over a huge chest of scary tools with your gurney and the nurse catches it with her body, you see that when she recovers and starts acting kinda fishy saying, "i uhhh... have to uhh... go into the other room for a minute," you know it's because she's hurt herself and bleeding. and then your doctor comes in, and it's just like the movies or tv or something when all you see are all these faces with the weird hats on all around you saying don't worry, everything's gonna be fine, and you have to move yourself onto the operating table and it's freezing cold and then you are supposed to breathe in the oxygen as they pump the anesthesia into your IV, and it hurts it hurts you say, and then.......

you wake up in the recovery room with an oxygen mask on your face... well, "wake up" is the wrong phrase, you open your eyes, are vaguely aware of where you are and what's going on, and then the angel of a nurse comes over and says how do you feel. and you say ugghhhhh and he puts something nice into your IV.... and you open your eyes again, and your bed is in a different spot, but there's the nurse, writing on your clipboard, and bam! more wonderful fluid...

and that goes on for a few hours until you realize you've got all that fluid in you and you've got to pee. the nurse says you can use a bedpan (never done that before... no need to try it now) or a female nurse can help you into the bathroom. you choose to go to the loo on your own and when you come out, you're incredibly dizzy and pale and they worry you might pass out. they put you in a nearby bed and lay you down and right after they take out the IV realize you could use some more drugs. doh! someone says the word suppository and so you think, hmmm... better do a little self healing here. and so you are able to calm yourself and there's color back in your face again.

next comes a week of being in bed. being STARVING, but unable to swallow much of anything. they say have gelatin (vegan gelatin will do), so you try it and discover anything nice and fruity is too tart and hurts your throat including sorbets and juices and smoothies. they say, eat lots of ice cream which works ok, except you get a nice sticky foam in your throat you can't get rid of no matter how much ice water you gargle and drink. you quickly tire of mashed potatoes and soup and maltomeal and anything you can't chew. and so you just don't eat, which makes you ridiculously nauseated, especially since you have to take 4 antibiotics a day plus all that vicodin.

talking is not an option, because you can't do it, but also because the "membrane" that has formed over where your doctor burned your throat stinks like you can't imagine. i mean, you yourself can't help but smell it all the time, and taste it too, so you feel soooo bad for those around you. you want to keep your mouth closed at all times. what works best is when your buddy calls you on the phone and blabs on and on about girls and psychotic teachers and everything, and you type responses on IM. and then, he teaches you how to play pitch, and so you just spend all your time playing cards online, and you and your pal kick the pants off all your opponents.

and it's great how the vicodin just sucks away thoughts every now and then and you completely forget what more you were gonna say.

oh yeah, and then your mommy who has been taking super good care of you and literally running to your room every time you ring your little bell to bring you fresh ice water or another bowl of something that doesn't require cheweing... yeah, she leaves and suddenly you have to do things on your own again. even dishes.

i like too how it takes FOREVER to get better. i'm still feeling awful. i'm still real hungry. i'm grumpy. and confused. and ready for yet another nap...

Comments

you poor poor thing. pobrecita! i wish i could make it better for you....sounds like a terrible experience. and i thought getting my wisdom teeth pulled was the worst experience in my life! cindy brady did not look or sound this miserable when she got her tonsils removed. not even carol brady seemed remotely uncomfortable. what a hoax! i thought an ice cream diet would be a dream come true...that's way too bad.

i'm sorry laurel that it's so terrible for you. i guess if you get anything out of this experience, just remember how great it is to lose your train of thought and be ridiculous and be able to blame it all on the drugs. i have that problem, but nothing or noone to blame but myself.

i hope you feel better SOON!!!

holy shit, laurel. that sounds awful. was it worth it to not get strep anymore? are you really prone to strep or something?

i hope you start feeling better.

noah

Your nurse was bleeding!!?? OMG! LOL!! ;)

good news my concerned friends. i believe i have turned the corner. i ony took a few vicodin yesterday and i spoke quite a bit - even on the phone and i ate a whole can of refried beans with guacamole. things are looking up! if only that stinky membrane would disappear so my one-on-one talking wasn't so offensive, i would be able to return to work.

yes noah, i got a ton of strep throat infections. and my tonsils were always big and ugly and i woke up with sore throats every morning. these things should be going away, so i keep telling myself it was indeed worth it.

yes scottie, my nurse was bleeding. i was like :shock:!!!!!!

and mollie belle, thanks ever so much for reminding me that even cindy brady is more of a hard ass than me!

in a chat about my awful membrane problemst, noah asked me, "so you smell your own burned flesh all the time?"

and when i said "yes, and i taste it too," he said, "that's like the definition of vegan irony or something."

that was one of the funniest things i've heard all week!

I knew you'd get better after I was gone, you just needed to get yourself moving and motivated! Good to hear, and, Noah, that was a good laugh, wish I'd thought of it!
Love you, adore you, a-recovery-room you,
Mashed taters forever,
Mo

I was so relieved to stumble across your web page and see that I'm not the only person over the age of twelve who had their tonsils removed.
It's absolutely horrible! I'm so hungry! It will have been a week tomorrow since the surgery and I still feel aweful!! I don't even eat right now. Ice cream and pudding coats, jello burns, and everything else hurts to swallow. On the up side, I have lost 15 lbs... LOL! and my sanity!!
Thank you, though, for your page. It is a great relief to know that I don't suffer alone. That somewhere in this world, another woman is suffering the wonderful affects of a tonsillectomy.

Oh Kristyna, I'm so sorry. That is an experience no adult should have to go through. But it does get better. Malto mix with bananas was my saving grace, let me tell you. OOh, and then wonton soup, because the wontons are soft enough not to hurt.

But your message made my day - I'm glad I could provide a bit of relief for you!!

Get better soon!!!!!!

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